SUPPORT FOR YOU

Make Sure that you Get What you Need

Many grandparents feel that their own needs should come second to those of the rest of the family, but support for you will give you more strength to cope. This, in turn, will help others.

Grandparents may have health problems themselves. It is easy for these to be neglected and for you to become run down. It is important to keep taking medication and to keep any doctors appointments.

If you live close to the family, life after diagnosis may become very busy. Some grandparents find that their hours are suddenly filled with helping with other grandchildren or with trips back and forth to the hospital. Yet all the other routine demands on grandparents’ time and energy continue. Finding opportunities to get enough rest may be difficult. Take time to look at just how much you are trying to do. Maybe something will have to be put on hold. Don’t feel you can’t sometimes say ‘no’. For grandparents who work this can be difficult although most employers, other organisations and friends will be understanding when they are told of the circumstances.

Of course even when there is time to rest, managing to relax and sleep can still be a challenge. Many grandparents find that when they do eventually lie down in bed they can’t stop themselves worrying about everything that is happening to their family. If this happens, try writing a list of your worries, even if you can’t add solutions at that point.

It can be hard to completely relax, but many people can find places or activities that make them feel more at peace. Whether it’s the bath or the golf course, Beethoven or bingo, do take time to find strength from the things you enjoy.

Support from Family and Friends

You may find that you have friends or relatives around you that are keen to support you or offer practical help. The offers they make are likely to be very sincere. It may well make them feel better too if they can do something to help. If people are not offering the help you need, most will be happy if you ask them directly.

Perhaps the hardest thing for grandparents to find is people to give them emotional support. Some are lucky enough to have access to good friends who will share their worries during the bad times. However most people also come across friends and relatives who cannot or will not share their sadness and anxiety. This can be disappointing, but these friends may still be able to support you in other ways either with practical help or as a diversion from the difficulties the illness has brought. It is perhaps even harder for grandfathers to find the support they need. Men, particularly older men, have often grown up with the belief that they should be strong, and contain their emotions at times of crisis. It has been shown that talking about your worries can help.

How Talking Can Help

No-one can change the situation, but there can be comfort in knowing that someone else understands something of how you feel. Talking also helps to make your own thoughts clearer. Problems that go round and round in your head often seem to get bigger and bigger. Putting them into words can stop this happening. If you feel able to share your thoughts and concerns with those closest to you then that is great. Others find it easier to talk to someone outside the immediate family who is not directly affected by the illness. It may help to talk to a number of different people.

Many grandparents feel that they must put a brave face on their feelings a lot of the time to protect their child, grandchild or others from seeing the extent of their distress. It is important, however, to find time to let go and allow your emotions to come out. Crying can bring a sense of release and sometimes helps people to feel stronger and think more clearly afterwards.

Support Groups and Counsellors

Some grandparents may find support groups helpful. A few childhood cancer treatment centres run groups specifically for grandparents. Where these are not available more general cancer or carer support groups may be useful. Details of these are available from organisations such as Cancerbackup or Macmillan Cancer Relief (contact details). Some people prefer support on a one to one basis such as counselling. The organisations listed will also be able to guide you to what is available in your area. Your GP may also be able to provide support and advice if you are finding it hard to cope.

Remember that you’re not alone. Many grandparents have exactly the same feelings and anxieties that you do. However much you have in common with other grandparents, people still react and cope in different ways. What’s important is what is right for your sick grandchild, the rest of the family, and for you.