"They've got enough to cope with without handling our problems as well"

Who Cares About You

Brothers and sisters have told us how tough it can be being in a family with a sick child;

"People, they don’t understand and they don’t think how it’s affecting you. It seems selfish, but it’s not just the person with cancer, it’s affecting the whole family"

"It affects your life as well, the way you act, different moods"

I’ve got 2 friends who I can speak to really about my sister and stuff and I’ve got other friends who I can call up and go out with just to take my mind off it really ”

"Then there's my Nan, I speak to about a lot of things, like how I feel about Marcus having cancer--------then I got nurses, I can speak to nurses"

All these different feelings are completely normal. At difficult times like this it is very important to have people you can turn to, to talk to, to cry with, or just to be with. We asked a group of brothers and sisters who they could go to with their problems;

Many brothers and sisters feel that they shouldn't tell their parents how they feel - some told us why:

"They’ve got so much to do with the ill child, they’re like all over the place and really irritable"

"They've got enough to cope with without handling our problems as well"

"I’ve got my Mum and Dad and my brothers and my grandparents, they’re like really close, but I find it easier to talk to my friends, with like my problems, it’s like, less embarrassing, and my closest friend is probably Dave, 'cos he really kind of understands like"

"Sometimes people don’t understand and don’t know what to say. This can make it feel like they are not helping."

Some young people find that not everyone is helpful

"...my friends-they were just like horrible to me. They were just backing away saying oh no I’m going to catch something if I go near her, so I was just so angry it’s not his fault, he couldn’t help it if he’s got cancer and anyway you can’t catch cancer. They were still like it until I told them what it was and they calmed down and said “I’m sorry"

"Sometimes people don’t understand and don’t know what to say. This can make it feel like they are not helping."

"I used to be able to talk to my Mum and Dad quite a lot, but not so much now I don’t: My mum ‘cos she’s always with Sofia and she hasn’t got time, and my Dad, we’re just far apart"

"If I get a cold like, I just go to school, I don't tell my Mum, 'cos she's got to worry about my brother as well"

Sometimes it can be hard to believe that if it was you who were ill you would get the same special treatment from everyone as your sick brother or sister is, but it is true.

Sometimes it can feel hard to do stuff and enjoy yourself because your brother or sister can’t join in, but it’s really important that you have some fun times.

Facts

Lots of young people have difficulty coping with having a sick
brother or sister:

Some find it hard to sleep
Some can’t concentrate at school
Some don’t feel like eating
Some feel quiet and shy
Some feel very frightened
Some are jealous of their sick brother or sister
It is normal to feel these things some of the time

Some brothers and sisters can begin to feel ill themselves. This is usually because of all the extra worry and stress.
Some young people feel very angry. Sometimes they feel angry with their parents, and some feel angry with their sick brother or sister.
A few young people feel that having a sick brother or sister has helped their family in some way, maybe bringing the family closer together or making family members appreciate each other more.

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